Elder Johnson

This week’s missionary, Elder Johnson, holds to his “Iron Rod.” We Mormons have a hymn called, “The Iron Rod.” And no, I’m not kidding!

Elder Johnson was excited to introduce me to a whole new take on the Sunday favorite. “I do my best to hold the rod every day,” he said with a grin.

He says it’s difficult not to laugh when singing the hymn in church. “It’s obviously an anthem for masturbation!”

Elder Johnson, playing the role of insightful young Mormon missionary, had me and his companion laughing as he sang the hymn:

“While on our journey here below,
Beneath temptation’s pow’r [pointing at me]
Through mists of darkness we must go,
In peril every hour.

And When temptation’s pow’r is nigh,
Our pathway clouded o’er,
Upon the rod we can rely, [grabbing his crotch]
And heaven’s aid implore.

[then grabbing our cocks in each hand]
Hold to the rod, the iron rod;
‘Tis strong, and bright, and true.
The iron rod, like the word of God,
will safely guide us through.

And hand o’er hand, the rod along,
Through each succeeding day,
With earnest prayer and hopeful song,
We’ll still pursue our way.”

He finished the lesson on a practical note, “seriously, without masturbation how would we last until marriage? And as long as we’re jerking it, why not have some fun?”

I couldn’t agree more!